INT. A REC-ROOM IN THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE -- DAY.

Lois, Superboy, Superman (in costume) and The Eradicator on the couch. Conversation brings Superman up to speed.

SUPERMAN

Lois, you must have a thousand questions.

LOIS

I'm a reporter. I have 6 questions.

Who, what, when, where, why and how.

For now I'll settle for why. Why, Supe?

Why on Earth would you let Doomsday win

and then play dead for a week?

Don't you know what you put us through?

SUPERMAN

I'm just amazed that all my closest friends

thought I was really dead. Doomsday hit me

as hard as he could -- I didn't even feel it!

Wasn't it obvious that I was toying with him?

Groans from all except Eradicator, who never groans.

SUPERMAN

(exasperated)

I'm invulnerable. Nothing can kill me except kryptonite.

You know all this.

LOIS

(grumbling)

I guess we were all pretty thick. But the question was why?

SUPERMAN

I'd known for some time that The Eradicator

was overdue. He's a robot. His programming

is relentless. You can set your watch by him.

According to my calculations, The Eradicator

should already be back on Earth levelling mountains,

filling in valleys, etc. It disturbed me that

there wasn't any sign of him. He had somehow

managed to change his program, and he might be

up to anything behind the scenes. When I battled

Doomsday it occurred to me, "on the fly" you might say --

LOIS

Please, don't.

SUPERMAN

-- that this was a powerful monster, one of my

deadliest enemies in years. He'd already defeated

the rest of the JLA, and most important ...

LOIS

... he was big and ugly. He looked like

the kind of monster that might kill Superman.

SUPERMAN

You're way ahead of me! So I hatched the notion of

really "selling" Doomsday as an unbeatable foe,

and then keeling over as through from exhaustion

as soon as he was defeated.

SUPERBOY

(uncharacteristically serious)

You took it too far, Supe -- Mae could have

gotten hurt trying to help you.

SUPERMAN

I know, and I'm sorry for that.

In fact he doesn't seem sorry at all. It was a heartless deception, but it was for a good cause, and he intended to apologize later. Everyone always forgives him, because he's Superman.

LOIS

Go on.

SUPERMAN

Finally, I nailed Doomsday with the Sunday Punch

and then took a dive. I can hold my breath for days

on a space mission or undersea in Atlantis.

LOIS

The question was why?

SUPERMAN

My purpose was so that, with Superman killed

in battle in a spontaneous incident that

couldn't have been set up or even predicted,

The Eradicator would be tempted to tip his hand.

Finding out where he was and what he was doing

was worth any sacrifice. Rad is a powerful enemy;

he could destroy the world if he had time

to work out a perfect plan in secret.

SUPERBOY

Hey, Rad -- your ears must be burning!

ERADICATOR

My ears are made of titanium. They do not burn,

even at re-entry velocity.

SUPERBOY

See, my man Rad here has a quiet, sophisticated

kind of cool. He peers out at the world

from behind his funky visor, with cold disdain.

Rad be cool! He be da man! My man Rad be so cool,

his secret identity should be Richard Roundtree,

that's how cool my man be! By the way, big guy,

you're not Richard Roundtree, are you?

I wouldn't want to be "giving things away."

ERADICATOR

I am not Richard Roundtree.

SUPERBOY

Of course, that's what you would say -- right, "Dick?"

LOIS

We have to contact the JLA and The Daily Planet.

The Ultra-Humanite is back -- and we don't know

what he's up to. You can give us the rest

of the details at the Secret Sanctuary.

They rise and start to leave. Lois tugs on his cape.

LOIS

Forgive my paranoia, but there have been

a lot of pretenders. Some of them have been

really good. Before we start giving away

JLA secrets, would you mind telling me

one thing that only Superman would know?

SUPERMAN

You mean like my favourite movie? Bridge On ...

LOIS

No, nothing stupid like that. Nothing Superman

might have told a dozen people. Tell me something

important that only Superman would know.

A minute ago you said that nothing can kill you

except kryptonite. But that's not true, is it?

Tell me ... the 2nd thing, other than kryptonite,

that can kill Superman.

Pause.

SUPERMAN

Look, Lois, I don't have time for an interview.

Tell you what. Earlier today I was in Smallville,

checking up on my old friend Lana Lang --

she's been very sick, you know -- and I happened

to bump into my other old friend Clark Kent.

I gave him the complete story. Why don't you just

compare notes with him at the Planet?

Momentary suspicion. OMINOUS MUSIC. It's obvious "Superman" didn't answer the question! Could this one be an imposter too?

But instead, Lois collapses in laughter.

LOIS

And that's the priority, isn't it? Doomsday

attacks Midvale, Superman battles Doomsday,

Doomsday kills Superman, the world mourns its hero,

Superman's body is stolen from the tomb,

He Is Risen!, The Ultra-Humanite is running amuck

and Superman Lives! -- but the priority is

to convince me that you "just bumped into Clark Kent!"

She gets up and kisses him more tenderly than ever.

LOIS

It's you Kal! It's really you! Nobody but

my crazy Kal would still believe, after all

these years, that he's still got me fooled.

SUPERMAN

I ... I don't understand Lois.

LOIS

Let's go.

SUPERMAN

But ... I did bump into Clark today ...

LOIS

Let's go.

SUPERMAN

... I gave him an interview!

She drags him off, and all EXIT.

CUT TO:

INT. THE SECRET SANCTUARY -- DAY.

Various JUSTCE LEAGUE MEMBERS hang around looking bored, waiting for news.

SWISH-PAN to doors swinging open.

ENTER Superman, Superboy, Lois Lane and The Eradicator.

SUPERMAN

Hi.

LOIS

It's him guys, it's the real one.

Slight pause, then pandemonium of joy ending in a big group hug. Actors AD LIB excited queries, speaking all at once. All want to know how he did it.

Superman explains with FLASHBACKS.

SUPERMAN (V.O.)

I held my breath for days, sneaking a gasp

every few hours when no one was looking until

I was sealed in the tomb, at which point

I got up and stretched my legs. There was no

autopsy because no scalpel could penetrate

my invulnerable skin. I also flunked the EEG

because Kryptonian brain waves are indecipherable

to equipment designed to read humans.

There's really no way to "confirm" a

Kryptonian's death. The hardest part was

not punching that undertaker in the mouth when

he stole my favourite pair of boots!

When I heard noises through the floor with super-

hearing, I climbed back into the casket and

played dead. The casket lid was made of lead,

so even with x-ray vision I couldn't see their faces.

But I could hear that some villains's henchmen

had broken into my tomb and were stealing

my "body." I decided to wait and find out

where they were going. After a long hike

through a tunnel, they left me behind

and went elsewhere. I got out and looked around.

Finding myself in a mock-up of Luthor's Lair

I realized somebody was trying to pretend

that Silver Age Lex was back from the grave.

Within FLASHBACK.

SUPERMAN

Back from the grave, eh? Well, two can play at that game!

BACK TO NARRATION.

SUPERMAN

So I flew away. I've been waiting patiently

to see which known super-villain goes berserk

at his hideout upon discovering that the body

he stole has in turn been stolen - a crime

he can never report without admitting he stole

a body in the first place! But every known

Metropolis villain I've spied on at long range

with super-vision has expressed only honest

bafflement about the "Death and Life" of Superman.

FLASHBACKS END.

BATMAN

As Lois has probably told you by now,

we have a theory about an old enemy,

one that you wouldn't have checked up on.

LOIS

I filled him in.

BATMAN

The best part, Supe, was how you stole Doomsday's

body from the university to confuse the issue.

SUPERMAN

Superman doesn't steal! Doomsday's body is missing?

BATMAN

Don't you watch TV?

SUPERMAN

The boob tube? The idiot box? I don't even own one.

Like my friend Clark Kent, I prefer reading Dickens.

BATMAN

You didn't steal the body?

SUPERMAN

(shaking his head)

I guess there's nothing we can do until

the Humanite surfaces.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE NORTH ATLANTIC, UNDERWATER SHOT -- DAY.

TITLE: "60 knots from Metropolis."

Hole in water indicates the periscope of Humanite's sub.

CUT TO:

POV periscope-view (with cross-hairs) of the horizon. Skyline of Metropolis comes into view.

LONG SHOT as The Humanite "surfaces!"

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STEPS OF THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

Across the street from the now-empty Tomb of Superman.

A CROWD has gathered, held back by POLICE and Inspector Henderson. A hoard of REPORTERS are taking pictures and shouting questions, as Perry White, Lois Lane and Clark Kent give a news conference, ably assisted by Jimmy Olsen.

PERRY

I suppose you're wondering why I called you

all here today. Usually, The Daily Planet

is in the habit of attending press scrums,

not giving them! But today is a special day.

It's not every day that you can welcome back

a man from the dead! Ladies and gentlemen

of the press -- I give you our own Clark Kent!

MILD APPLAUSE. They were expecting someone else!

PERRY

For a while, Mr. Kent was the world's second

most famous missing person!

Laughter.

Clark Kent steps up to the MICROPHONE.

CLARK

This is really embarrassing. Um, you see a

good friend of mine had a bad case of the flu

and I left town to take care of her.

Being a little absent-minded, I forgot

to ask for leave, and since I don't watch TV,

I really had no idea that my friends were

looking for me. But as you can see, Clark Kent

is back. Superman, though, is still unaccounted for.

Gosh, I hope he's all right.

Cheers and laughter. Clark seems puzzled.

CUT TO:

EXT. METROPOLIS HARBOUR -- DAY.

2 FISHERMEN are trying their luck. Parody of the famous scene from the US version of Godzilla, this time with an invisible force rearing up and smashing it's way through the PIER as they look on, astonished. A yellow-painted SUBMARINE suddenly materializes and pops its hatch.

SOUND EFFECT of something large and bulky clambering out of the hatch and stomping its way along the pier.

Then PEOPLE scatter as huge misshapen FOOTPRINTS appear, of someone so heavy he is literally crushing his weight into the pavement with every step. Invisible footprints continue into the distance, with maniacal laughter ringing through the streets.

PULL BACK to show fishermen behind watching this pass them by.

FISHERMAN #1

Yunnow, this could be worse than the big lizard.

FISHERMAN #2

Yup.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

Team Superman arrives, from the sky, to help welcome back Clark Kent. They are introduced to cheers. BEEPER goes off. Henderson confers on CELL PHONE.

2 SHOT of Henderson and Clark.

HENDERSON

(with a worried expression)

Uh, Clark, is there any chance you can find

Superman on short notice?

CLOSE-UP on Clark's ear as he uses SUPER-HEARING to detect distant crashes and screams as something horrible approaches.

CLARK

(tugs at his collar)

Inspector Henderson, I will try to find Superman.

He is stopped by Perry.

PERRY

Where do you think you're going, Kent?

The press corps still have a lot of questions.

CLARK

I, um, I have ... an important phone call to make.

Perry is furious, but Jimmy insists.

JIMMY

I think he really needs to find a phone, Chief.

Clark makes his apologies and EXITS.

PERRY

(into mike)

Mr. Kent has a pressing schedule. I will field

questions in his absence.

LONG SHOT.

Doomsday materializes in the midst of the square, wearing his Kryptonian battle-suit and laughing maniacally.

CROWD screams. "It's Doomsday!" "Doomsday lives!" etc.

HUMANITE

Doomsday? You are sadly mistaken, my friends.

I am not Doomsday. I merely wear his body.

I am no mere monster. Nor am I a man.

I have placed myself far above normal men.

I have transcended Humanity! I am The Ultra-Humanite!

HENDERSON

(stiffly, official)

What do you want, Humanite?

HUMANITE

I should have thought that was obvious, Inspector.

Where are your vaunted detective skills?

I want Superman. And I will destroy Metropolis

if he doesn't appear.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STREETS OF METROPOLIS -- DAY.

Clark Kent finally finds a TELEPHONE BOOTH. It's the round kind, not the square kind. He hurries on.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

HENDERSON

(with police megaphone)

I'd like to remind you -- Doomsday?/Humanite? --

that you have no quarrel with these

innocent bystanders. Will you permit the square

to be cleared to avoid needless loss of life?

HUMANITE

What do I care if these worms live or die?

Send them home!

Mass panic as crowd flees the scene.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STREETS OF METROPOLIS -- DAY.

Clark Kent finds another telephone booth. No! The round kind again! He sighs and hurries on.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

HUMANITE

You cannot stop me, Mr. Newspaper Editor!

Everywhere, ruin and destruction! And then I,

The Ultra-Humanite, shall rule the world!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STREETS OF METROPOLIS -- DAY.

CLOSE-UP on a telephone booth. Finally, the right kind!

ENTER Clark Kent, who bumps into Lois Lane taking a vial out of her PURSE. She drops it and picks it up, guiltily. Awkward pause.

LOIS

I was just going to make a phone call.

CLARK

Um, so was I ...

Staredown. Crowd in panic runs by. Finally, Lois gives in.

LOIS

You've been away for a while, Clark.

I think I should be generous and let you

have this byline. Why don't you phone this one in,

and I'll go, uh, powder my nose.

They gaze at each other lovingly. More crowd panic.

CLARK

Um ... you'd better powder that nose.

LOIS

Yeah ... powder that nose. Oh, and Clark?

CLARK

Yes, Lois?

LOIS

(with real warmth)

It's good to have you back.

CLARK

(beaming)

It's good to be back!

EXIT Lois, shading her eyes not to see what he does next.

CLOSE-UP on telephone booth, as Clark ENTERS and opens his shirt.

EXTREME CLOSE-UP on S-shield.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

A bored Humanite engages in target practise, using his death ray to destroy the SUPERMAN STATUE and GLOBE atop the Planet Building. Police duck DEBRIS.

BATMAN

Where does he get those wonderful toys?

JIMMY

Why did you send that monster after Supergirl?

HUMANITE

What the devil are you talking about?

JIMMY

Doomsday's last words were "Kill Kara."

HUMANITE

(LAUGHS)

I'm not surprised he took it as his mission.

"Kill Kara?" It's a phrase I've uttered

in his presence hundreds of times,

along with "Kill Kal-El," "Kill Lois Lane,"

"Kill Perry White" and especially "Kill Luthor!"

CLOSE-UP on Luthor.

LUTHOR

Mercy. My life has been threatened.

EXTREME CLOSE-UP.

LUTHOR

Deadly force is authorized.

To be Concluded

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