EXT. IN FRONT OF THE TOMB -- DAY.

Crowd is cheering. Police are deliriously happy. Henderson pumps their hands.

HENDERSON

Congratulations! What wonderful news! Lois,

you must be so happy!

LOIS

Uh, what did Batgirl just tell you, Inspector?

HENDERSON

HE IS RISEN!

CUT TO:

MONTAGE of press reports, this time proclaiming Superman's resurrection.

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE of CRANKS AND PHONEYS, mostly fat and out of shape, some black or hispanic, and a lot of women, with S on their chests in homemade costumes, all claiming to be the resurrected Superman.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LOIS' OFFICE AT THE DAILY PLANET -- DAY.

Perry ENTERS.

PERRY

"Superman" is here to see you.

LOIS

Every one of the phoneys has been seeking

my endorsement as the "real" Superman.

I don't want to be bothered.

PERRY

You might want to consider this one. He says he can fly!

LOIS

What!

PERRY

Furthermore, I think I can see him outside

your window right now!

He chuckles and EXITS.

She opens the window and SUPERBOY flies in, wearing a leather jacket and groovy shades. This is not Young Clark -- this is Post-Crisis Superboy, who is unrelated. He flashes Lois a sexy grin, kisses her on the mouth and then claims a chair, leaning back and putting his feet on her desk. She sits.

LOIS

The feet come off the desk or the ass gets kicked.

The feet come off the desk.

LOIS

So, who are you, anyway?

He struts around the room before answering, making himself at home.

SUPERBOY

Who am I? Well let's see. I have an S on my chest.

I can fly. I have super-powers. I'm hangin' at

The Daily Planet, and I just put a liplock on Lois Lane.

(strikes forehead)

Why, I must be ... SUPERMAN!

LOIS

Superman? Superboy, more like. Do you shave?

SUPERBOY

(clearing throat)

Despite my youthful appearance and boyish charm,

I am SuperMAN. I was cloned from the stolen body

by the Cadmus Corporation. You'll want proof, natch!

He demonstrates his powers, flying around the room, lifting her DESK with one hand and lighting 2 CIGARETTES with heat-ray vision. He puts them both in his mouth to do so, but Mr. Sophisticated chokes his lungs out. She pounds his back and pours him a GLASS OF WATER, putting out the cigarettes.

LOIS

Are you sure you're invulnerable to lung cancer?

SUPERBOY

I'm -- gasp! -- pretty sure.

LOIS POV. She uses Superwoman's x-ray vision to confirm.

LOIS

So far, anyway, thank goodness.

SUPERBOY

What was that?

BACK TO SCENE.

LOIS

Never mind. You were saying?

SUPERBOY

I'm here to offer you a once in a lifetime

opportunity to match the offer I've already

got from The Cat Grant Show. Call me

irresponsible, call me what you will,

but I feel sentimental about the Daily Planet,

where I used to work, for old times’ sake.

He rattles on, as actor AD LIBS self-serving patter.

LOIS (V.O.)

He must be some kind of a phoney,

because I know Superman's body wasn't stolen --

the footprint proves it. Nonetheless,

Superboy was obviously cloned by somebody,

and that somebody could be the same person

who created Doomsday. I'd better keep him talking.

VOICEOVER ENDS.

LOIS

How much did Cat offer you?

SUPERBOY

Six figures, baby -- six figures!

LOIS

A hundred grand?

SUPERBOY

No, six figures. And mama! you should see

the figures on those babelicious hotties!

LOIS

Other than hot and cold running call girls,

has Cat offered you any money?

SUPERBOY

We, um, haven't talked a dollar sum yet.

Lois touches her INTERCOM.

LOIS

Jimmy. You have to see this.

Jimmy ENTERS, and meets Superboy. There is testosterone in the air.

JIMMY

Jiminy Crickets! Who's this?

LOIS

Superman, to hear him tell it.

JIMMY

Superman? He look more like Superboy.

Superboy lifts Jimmy off the floor by the scruff of his neck.

SUPERBOY

I hate being called that!

LOIS

Put the boy down. Now.

He puts Jimmy down. Jimmy chokes and gags a little.

SUPERBOY

(contrite)

I'm sorry.

JIMMY

I think that we should test him.

SUPERBOY

You're on, copy-boy! Just name it!

Jimmy paces and scratches his chin. At once he snaps his fingers.

JIMMY

I've got it. As we all know, Krypto the super-dog

is never far from his master.

Jimmy gives a wink to Lois, who plays along.

JIMMY

Why don't we open the window and Superboy here ...

SUPERBOY

SuperMAN!

JIMMY

... can call Krypto. If Krypto shows up,

he's the real Superboy.

SUPERBOY

K-Krypto? Are we talking about flying dogs here?

I mean, yeah, sure, as you say, Krypto is never

far from his master. Hey, I was playing fetch

with good ol' Superdog a little while ago,

I'm sure he's still around.

Superboy opens window and calls.

SUPERBOY

Here Krypto! Here boy! Good boy, good dog!

Fly in the window. Here, Krypto!

LOIS

(trying to restrain laughter)

Jimmy, load your camera. You wouldn't want to miss

this touching reunion.

He smiles and loads it. Superboy breaks a sweat, and whistles.

SUPERBOY

Here, Krypto. Good dog ... Heh heh I don't know

what's keeping him.

KRYPTO the SUPER-DOG flies into the window, and Superboy pats him on the head. He playfully licks his master's face. Lois is stunned. Jimmy starts frantically taking pictures.

JIMMY

Jiminy Crickets, what a scoop!

SUPERBOY

(grins)

Good dog! And you remember your old pal Lois, don't you?

KRYPTO

Arf! Arf!

Krypto runs over to Lois, wags his tail and starts humping her leg. Luckily it's a newspaper office, so there's always a ROLLED-UP NEWSPAPER handy!

Lois swats Krypto.

LOIS

Bad dog! Bad dog!

Krypto whimpers in a corner.

LOIS

Jimmy, don't you dare run out of film!

It's him! It's the real Superboy!

He must have broken through the time-barrier ...

CLOSE-UP on Krypto.

KRYPTO

Whatcha gonna do now, Superboy? You know, Superboy ...

Jesus is Lord!

Jimmy faints dead away. Lois finally gets it.

LOIS

Matrix, this is not funny!

Jimmy jumps back up.

JIMMY

Actually, Lois, I thought it was pretty funny!

The Matrix morphs into a brunette superheroine in pink tights and cape with an M on her chest.

MATRIX

We got you Lois, we got you good!

They all start laughing at her. Lois is angry at first, but then joins in. It's her first real laughter since the Death of Superman. She laughs till she cries and it ends in a big group hug.

LOIS

Oh, thank you guys, I needed that so badly.

They pull up CHAIRS to confer.

SUPERBOY

I guess I should give you my real origin.

I was cloned by Cadmus, but not from Superman.

They were trying to create and patent their own

superhero for corporate purposes.

When Superman died I was rushed into production.

LOIS

What do you mean rushed into production?

SUPERBOY

I went from single cell to single guy in a few days.

LOIS

I did a story on this. Cloning has gone too far.

People are claiming copyright on entire species,

just because they did a little breeding,

and the courts are backing them up.

It's only a matter of time before somebody makes

a test-tube baby, the baby has descendants,

and a race of people is owned by a company.

SUPERBOY

The general idea was that I should breed,

which is why I was given an overactive sex drive.

Have I told you that I prefer older women?

Lois threatens him with the rolled-up newspaper. Then she offers him a job.

LOIS

I've got an opening for a sidekick. Do you want it?

Superboy and Jimmy look at each other, both shocked.

SUPERBOY

I'd love to, but the job is taken.

JIMMY

I don't need your charity, pal!

Renewed male tension.

LOIS

Jimmy Olsen isn't my sidekick. Jimmy Olsen is

my partner. He needs a sidekick.

This puts a new complexion on things! Superboy seems reluctant.

SUPERBOY

Oh all right. Hey, are you still The Boy of 100 Faces?

JIMMY

102. I picked up a couple more since that comic book came out.

SUPERBOY

Cool! You can give me some tips. I'm in the market

for a secret identity. With my hip sense of humour,

I was thinking I could be a nightclub comic.

What do you think of the name "Andy Jones?"

JIMMY

Hey, you could be a chick-magnet with a gimmick like that!

Of course, the chicks will be wearing sensible shoes,

and when you get them alone they're in for a big surprise.

SUPERBOY

Huh?

JIMMY

You see, there's already a comic in town

named Andy Jones. Let me tell you about her ...

Lois shoes them out.

LOIS

Now you boys play nice. I have to talk to Mae.

Superboy and Jimmy EXIT, chatting hair and wardrobe.

LOIS

You changed your costume, Mae. Thank you.

That means a lot to me.

MATRIX

Lois, I do what I do because the world

needs a Supergirl. I'm clumsy at it.

But I know how much you loved her,

and I'd never deliberately hurt you.

CLOSE-UP on handshake. ENTER Perry.

PERRY

Somebody find that flying boy-toy and get over

to Met U. Doomsday's body is missing!

CUT TO:

EXT. METROPOLIS U. MEDICAL SCHOOL -- DAY.

Dr. Sanchez paces about nervously checking his watch and looking up at the sky. POV as 2 distant forms resolve themselves into Jimmy in the arms of Superboy and Lois in the arms of The Matrix. They land and introductions are made. If Dr. Sanchez is surprised by the lineup, he remains silent.

LOIS

Doctor, we came as soon as we heard. You know

Jimmy Olsen. This young lady is The Matrix,

in her "true form." And this -- well,

it's going to sound funny, but this is Superboy.

SUPERBOY

SuperMAN ... oh what the heck. Superboy will do.

DR. SANCHEZ

I'll inquire as to origin stories later.

The monster is missing, and that takes priority.

All ENTER.

CUT TO:

INT. METROPOLIS U. MEDICAL SCHOOL -- DAY.

Dr. Sanchez shows Lois, Jimmy, Superboy and The Matrix the room from which Doomsday's corpse vanished.

LOIS POV as she pokes around, snooping.

DR. SANCHEZ

It was here just yesterday. This morning, gone!

JIMMY

(nervously)

You don't suppose there's any possibility that

Doomsday might be alive!

Team Superman look at each other, worried.

LOIS

No chance of that. There's no forced entry

or exit. Doomsday would not sneak out quietly

in the middle of the night -- he would cut

a swath 4 lanes wide through Metropolis!

The only possibility I can think of is that

the resurrected Superman needed his enemy's

body for some purpose related to his mission.

MALE VOICE (OFF)

So why don't you just ask me?

THE ERADICATOR crashes through the ceiling. He is wearing a black Superman costume and a visor.

ERADICATOR

Never fear, Superman is here!

(to Dr. Sanchez)

What seems to be the trouble, good citizen?

DR. SANCHEZ

For one thing, are you going to pay for that roof?

Dr. Sanchez was being sarcastic, but The Eradicator doesn't "get" sarcasm.

He considers it.

ERADICATOR

Let me think about that for a minute. No.

JIMMY

Did you steal the body, Supe?

Lois glares at Jimmy, as if to say, Don't call him Supe!

ERADICATOR

Not only did I not steal Doomsday's body,

I have in fact just arrived from the Fortress

of Solitude to investigate the matter.

LOIS

(sceptical)

Describe the Fortress ... in detail.

Team Superman gather round. All seem prepared to accept this latest pretender, if Lois says it's him. The actor playing The Eradicator should strongly resemble the actor playing Superman. It might even be a dual role for the same actor, or a set of brothers like the Baldwins or the Quaids.

ERADICATOR

Contrary to the movies, which show it as

a large crystalline structure with an open-

concept interior, it is in fact a hollowed-

out hillside, with a giant door

that can only be opened with a giant key.

The key is yellow in colour, because

I don't trust The Green Lantern completely.

Inside, I have a number of rooms dedicated to

my closest friends. The Perry White Room.

The Lana Lang Room. The Jimmy Olsen Room ...

LOIS

Okay, okay!

(pregnant pause)

You look like him, I'll admit. What's with the new costume?

ERADICATOR

It is a rebirth, a new beginning.

LOIS

Hmm. When did you ever wear a visor?

ERADICATOR

Alas, my vision-powers have not returned.

I will wear a visor until they do,

for fear that good citizens will count on

x-ray or heat-ray vision to save them.

SUPERBOY

Bogus! You wear those shades for the same reason

I do -- our eyes are the wrong colour!

Superboy swats off The Eradicator's VISOR and crushes it underfoot. Eradicator clutches at his eyes as if strong light now hurts them.

SUPERBOY

Where I come from, you've just been punked out, tough guy!

ERADICATOR

(remains calm and composed)

Where you come from is a test tube, young man.

SUPERBOY

Well okay, you got me there, but it was a tough

test tube. It was the toughest test tube

on the rack. It was dirty and it had crack in it

and everything! Hey, how did you know?

ERADICATOR

Because I'm Superman. Matrix, you have control

over all the molecules in your vicinity. Would you mind?

MATRIX

Not at all. Superboy, that was not cool.

I don't know if he's hero or villain,

but breaking the glasses of a blind guy is not cool.

SUPERBOY

(contrite)

I'm sorry.

CLOSE-UP as she uses her psi-powers to fix his visor and helps him put it back on. Beat or two, then she gets it.

MATRIX

Hey, just a minute. I spend my time imitating

Supergirl, and that wasn't one of her powers.

How did you know I could do stuff like that?

ERADICATOR

Because I'm Superman.

Lois walks over to him, full of purpose. She can be intimidating, when she sets her mind to it!

LOIS

Excuse me. "Superman." Do you even know who I am?

ERADICATOR

You are Lois Lane.

LOIS

Yes?

ERADICATOR

A reporter for The Daily Planet.

LOIS

Yes?

ERADICATOR

You have been called The World's Best Girl Reporter.

LOIS

Yes?

ERADICATOR

You were the first reporter to interview me.

Except, or course, for Clark Kent.

LOIS

Anything else?

ERADICATOR

I believe ... that there was some talk of love.

LOIS

Is that the best you can do? Speaking of Clark,

what do you hear from him?

ERADICATOR

(cold and blunt)

Kent is gone. There is only Superman now.

This calm, emotionless statement devastates our heroes. For the first time, they are forced to consider the possibility that Clark Kent might not be Superman -- and if he isn't, then Clark has been missing himself now for an awfully long time. Their friend might well be dead, even if "Superman Lives!"

ERADICATOR

I regret the pain this news may cause you.

My superhearing detects a good citizen in danger.

Up, up and away!

Eradicator EXITS, flying.

PHONE RINGS. Dr. Sanchez answers it.

DR.SANCHEZ

It's Bruce Wayne for Lois.

She takes the phone.

SPLIT-SCREEN as Lois talks to a lab-coated Wayne in the Batcave.

BRUCE

Lois, it's me. I've got bad news ...

LOIS

Batman! I know your voice! Why were you

pretending to be Bruce Wayne?

BRUCE

Because, um ..

(clearly ad libbing)

... this isn't a secure line, and I didn't know

who would answer. If someone knew it was Batman

on the phone, they might try to trace the call

to find out my secret identity.

LOIS

Oh right. That makes sense.

BRUCE

(relieved)

It does? I mean, sure it does! Listen, Lois.

I've completed my tests on the dust.

LOIS

The dust? Oh, that dust. So?

BRUCE

It's stone dust. Masonry-quality stone dust,

of the kind you buy at gardening supply stores.

I think you can guess what that means.

Lois turns pale and starts to shake uncontrollably.

LOIS

God No! Could it be some sort of mistake? ...

BRUCE

No error, Lois. Stone dust. Sorry.

LOIS

Then we were right. We were right all along.

We thought he was dead -- the whole world

thought he was dead -- but after all these years,

that bald maniac is still alive!

SPLIT-SCREEN ENDS. She hangs up and tells them.

LOIS

It's stone dust. He aged the Lair with store-

bought dust so it would look unused if we

ever found it. But that homicidal maniac

has been down there all along plotting, planning ...

Down in his hole, he didn't even know Kara was dead.

Don't you see? HE'S STILL FIGHTING THE CRISIS!

She turns her attention to the empty GURNEY. LOIS POV as she looks it over.

LOIS

I sure hope it was Superman who stole that body.

CUT TO:

INT. MAD SCIENTIST'S LAB, PARTS UNKNOWN -- DAY.

Various masked HENCHMEN are working over Doomsday's BODY on a Frankenstein-like EXPERIMENTAL TABLE. In the shadows, we see a BALD MANIAC sitting in a chair and supervising. We cannot see his face.

REYNOLDS

All is in readiness, Master! Recussitation can begin.

BALD MANIAC

Excellent! Everything is according to plan.

Except, of course, that the big ape was

even stronger than I dared hope, Reynolds,

and made his escape too soon. Before he was ready

to be decanted, as those fools at Cadmus would say.

Little do they dream his true potential,

a potential that only I, his creator can tap.

Doomsday -- a splendid name. I hadn't even thought

to name the brute. But soon, he will have a new name ...

a name that will strike fear into the hearts of all men!

A name that will live through ages of infamy!

He wheels his WHEELCHAIR into the light. It is the face from the statue at Luthor's Lair.

BALD MANIAC

The name of ... THE ULTRA-HUMANITE!

To be continued.

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